Thoughts on a December Morning

Listening to a Bach violin concerto this morning, as the sunlight fills the yard beyond my porch, clarity opens my mind. The value of my life and the values that inform my life are clear. Today, the theme is authenticity. A man and a woman sit at a dining table. The woman allows the man to take her hand. She does not withdraw from him. She knows what she is doing, accepting what the gesture encompasses. How many people are no longer capable of taking responsibility for their action; always on the verge of grasping for something else, dropping the hand once taken in pursuit of some other rainbow and pot of fool's gold? Hume's claim-- that instead of an evolving, continuous personality, that we are a mere bundle of sensations-- comes to mind. Sadly, this is the way of life of so many in the "information age." It boils down to self-absorption and the inability to get out of our own skin and into the being of someone we befriend or love. Ah, who will blow me next?


Rather than admit the shame we feel over our selfish desires, we talk of privacy. I must have some privacy we say. Nothing could be less private than our naked self-interest, our guilt at depriving those we say we care about of putting them first now and then. Better to lie with dogs and live in a tub alone than have a false friendship, to indulge in a pretense of a real relationship.


Someone told me high above Asheville that he was not able to "let go." How sad and self-defeating never letting go is. Some of the most joyous and fulfilling moments in my life have been those when I did let go of my ego and put someone else first, finding joy in another's joy, pleasure in what someone else was having. There is the greatest empathy, the going out of oneself, leaving the prison of our own loneliness.


Thank the gods and muses for Bach, for music, for all the arts and for the most profound philosophy. Without art, life is such a dismal enterprise. Mine will be over soon enough, and I have to say that I've had my fill of it, good and bad. I've loved and been loved in return, having a few precious others to share music with, share moments of joy and understanding. For me, the best thing in life is resisting pretense, whether it is pretending things are fine, being optimistic despite the lack of any reason to be, acting happy to impress others, giving in to mauvaise foi. Bad faith undermines everything of value and meaning in our lives. That's how I see it this morning, as clouds form and gray the landscape, as Bach yields to Chopin.



Jameson